Dewasa Bernegara Part 1

I’ve been back for more than 4 months but I still cannot accept how Bruneians, especially parents, actually live. They don’t seem to value their lives and their children’s. I’m referring to the use of safety belts in the cars of course. Everyday, everywhere I see children jumping up and down in the passenger seats. What is worse, I always see parents who actually drive with a child on his/her lap. Once, I actually saw a car swerved in the middle of a road and when I looked at the driver, it was a man holding a crying BABY!

It looks like the law on child-seat and safety belts fall on deaf ears.

Some people blame it on the implementation of the regulations. They say the police are not doing anything about it so why should we. I say: when accidents happen, those policemen won’t lose their lives but you and your children will.

Some people say the child-seat is expensive. I say: more expensive than the lives of your children?

Some other people say their children refuse to sit in the child-seat and/or wear safety-belts. Since they don’t want to upset their children then let them do as they wish. I say: You don’t love your children!

I’m ashamed and saddened by the way we Bruneians see and live life. After 25 years of independence, do we deserve to be called ‘Dewasa Bernegara’ when we do not even want to be responsible for our own lives and that of our children? When we still need other people to look after our lives? When we still embrace the old-skool mentality of law-breakers as opposed to law-abiders?

Oh dear.

Salaam.

The Dilemma of Teenage Pregnancies

I was reading an article in Slate regarding the declining rate of abortion in the US. There were a number of factors involved of course, including voluntary prevention through birth control schemes nevertheless, the debate continues (on legalising abortion). Interestingly however, it was reported that more and more Americans are now campaigning not against abortion, but against 'teen sex'.

Now, for a Muslim country, therein lies the dilemma. Sex education, to give or not to give? By giving sex education at schools, we're seen as conforming to the act (of pre-marital sex) which is forbidden in Islam. By not giving it, we are faced with social illnesses: abortion, sexual transmited diseases, (unwed) teenage pregnancies and worse of all, abandoning or killing innocent babies.

Whether we like it or not, we can't just turn blind eyes to the increasing trend of 'teen sex' in Brunei. No data, however is available to support this but from my conversations with a couple of doctors in Brunei confirms that the trend is worsening. I once asked one of my doctor friends, why is there no collaboration between the Health Ministry and the Ministry of the Religious Affairs (MRA). At that time, I thought by informing the MRA, at least the problems associated with 'single (teenage) parents' could be prevented and let the teens be responsible with their acts. And she replied that if they were to inform the MRA everytime an unwedded teen got pregnant or delivered a baby, then the worst might happened. How so? The pregnant teens (who were already scared) now would not have any place to go. What is feared that more and more illegal abortion would take place which would be harmful to the pregnant teens and worse, more and more innocent babies would be left abandoned. Even as it is, according to her, these pregnant girls only went to seek medical help at a later stage of their pregnancies which were often not without complications.

Even if the teens seek an early help, it may also not help solve the problems. Once they are found pregnant, obviously the morally right thing to do is to marry them off. But their future could also end there. They have to quit school. Without proper education and qualification, how do we expect them to lead a high quality life? How do we even expect them to provide for their children?

Now, back to sex education. I guess, to preach through the morals of religion alone is no longer sufficient. What is needed I think is a good and open communication between the teenagers and the educator (including you and me). The more these young people have their questions answered regarding contraception, relationships, sexual health and the responsibility of being a parent, I think will help them to make the decision in delaying any sexual relationship and hopefully to get to do the right thing of 'sex after marriage'.

No matter how and what approach we want to use, please let there be one. Pregnancies among the teens not only affect their lives but also affect the nation as a whole, especially for a country where human resource is valuable. If you read my previous post, unwanted teenage pregnancies could lead to a vicious circle which could lead to poverty and thus affecting the healthy development of the nation. It is a tough challenge of course, but somebody HAS to do it.

Salaam.

How to reduce crime Part 2.

It is quite disheartening to read today's news in the Brudirect regarding students' involvement in criminal activities. I believe it is not the job of the police alone to reduce and prevent such activities happening (which are alarmingly increasing). And I also do not agree that we should totally rely on the parents of these teenage delinquencies to perform the 'correct' parenting roles as according to the police supt.:
"The majority of cases that involve students are from broken homes and those who are gullible and easily influenced by friends."

My interpretation of 'broken home' here is a family who do not live in an environment where children can grow up healthily (mentally and physically). You see, the most important years of a human's life are the first three. During these years, skills such as communication, empathy, compromise and recognising good and bad are developed, which will help the children to make good (and bad) decisions later in their lives. Children who come from 'broken families' are hardly exposed to such skills. Worse, if any of their parents or family-members are involved in criminal activities, then the likelihood for these children to be involved in the same activities are high.

For this reason, I believe it is now time for Brunei to think outside the box and adopt a more holistic approach involving not only the police, but also education, health and social care. Early years initiatives perhaps can be offered to help support the PARENTS who have criminal records, who are unemployed and teenage parents (which I blogged a few days ago) who I believe have greater risks of not performing the 'correct' parenting roles. Supports such as regular social-care visits, counselling and/or financially should be looked into. I also think that it is imperative for the relevant government agencies (not only the police) to play an ACTIVE role in identifying the 'high risk' parents and their children and to give the proper supports in order to prevent future criminal conducts (made by those children).

Echoing what I said in my previous blog about teenage parents, I believe the first measure to future crime prevention is to provide education to these young parents so that they and their children can have better future. And again please.....do it immediately.

Salaam.

How to reduce crime and make poverty history in Brunei?

If someone were to ask me the above question, my answer would be EDUCATION. Specifically, by providing education to ALL.

I am sure that you and I agree that crime and education are related. People who have more education are generally less inclined to commit any crime and/or become really poor. Now, I am not addressing those who commit crime while they are still at school (although they can come later once they realize the mistake they make), rather those who are deprived of formal schooling due to other circumstances, such as teenage pregnancy, teenage marriage and early school-leavers. And what I mean by education (for now) is the chance for everyone to complete their PMBs, O levels and A levels.

It is really really sad that there are many out there who did not even finish their PMBs because of early pregnancy and/or early marriage (generally because of the former). I mean, what can they do with just Secondary 2 qualification? At Secondary 2, they were like 14 or 15 years old. Children. And these children are having children. How can they support their family? Yes, I know some people would say WHY got pregnant in the first place? But I also ask Can you UnDO it? Why dwell on the kids' mistakes? What good will it have? Nevermind that their teenagehood have been wiped out, let's not wipe out their future too.

It is in fact disturbing, as the trend of teenage pregnancy is rising over the years (refer Borneo Bulletin 19 April 2007). And what about those who did not get pregnant (or whose pregnancies were terminated i.e. miscarriages) but nevertheless were married at their teenage lives (I can assure you, it does happen to many).

I know this is a dilemma. By giving these teenage moms and dads free formal education can be interpreted as acceptance of pre-marriage pregnancy. But I also say by NOT giving them the education may negatively affect the lives of MANY future Bruneians. It will be a vicious circle: Teenage pregnancy leads to teenage marriage leads to being poor (no job/means to support the family) leads to crime leads to poor parenting quality leads to poor children upbringing and ON and ON and ON.

I think, whether we like it or not somebody has to address this issue seriously. For a rich and a small country like us, where high quality of human resources are scarce, we should give these teenage moms and dads the chance to finish their high school education either by allowing them to continue their studies in their former schools or a special school (special I mean a school that caters to their circumstances). I know that there are evening classes for the PMB and O levels but if I am not mistaken, the students still have to pay for the exams fees, which to me is a big disincentive. In fact, I believe what Brunei should do is to give some incentives for these teenage parents to complete their education.

No matter how Brunei wants to do it, I strongly believe it will be worthwhile. But I implore, please do something, for the sake of the unborn babies, who are our future generation. They deserve better lives.

Salaam.

ps. When's the next session of the state legislative council? Hope to see issues such as this and unemployment be thrashed out.