Sadness

The past few weeks had been very difficult. It is still difficult. The pain is still raw. There were mixed emotions: shock, angry and sad. At times how I wish I could just curl-up and cry myself out or I would sleep and sleep until I wake up and find everything is just one hell of a nightmare.

There is no regret and I will never ask Allah why. I know He Knows best and the Most Merciful. It was heartbreaking to see the man who brought me into the world, lying helpless and was in most unimaginable pain. When the doctor told me his condition, I prayed so hard that if there was any good deed that I had done which had been accepted, please God exchange it with mercy to my father. Please take away the pain. Merciful Allah, I seek solace in the thought that he didn't suffer long.

My only regret is that I didn't get to give him a better life. Seeing him looking strong, healthy and always jolly made me took things for granted. Never once I thought he would leave us now. But as much as we love him, Allah loves him more.

To everyone reading this, I Thank You. It is not my intention to share this sadness in my life. I only ask you to learn from my mistake. For those of you who are still blessed with a mother and/or a father, please shower them with your love. Make them happy. Ask for their health. Help their problems. Give them presents. For there is no other person in this world that we owe more than our parents. We owe them our lives.

Salaam.

A Tribute to My Father

Dear Bapa,

You Shall Be Missed and Remembered.
I wish I've Said it Before but I Love You.
Never Said It, Always Meant It.

I Promise I Will Carry Your Name and I Will Make You Proud.

'Al-Fatihah' to My Late Father who passed away peacefully on 14th May 2008 (8 JamadilAwal 1429) at the age of 63.

Public School vs. Private School

One of the decisions we need to make upon returning to Brunei is choosing which school to send our children to. Like other parents, obviously we want the best for them. And this would probably mean a private school instead of a public one. But I keep asking myself how do we really define ‘the best school’? And why do we Bruneians always have the perception that a private school (in particular the primary level) is better than the public school.

Here in England both my children go to a public school. And fortunately for us (and them) the school is one of ‘the’ best schools in this part of England. Parents are willing to move in the area just so that their children can go to this school. I remember the headmaster was telling us that the number of children who were applying for the reception class (kindergarten 2) was always triple the number of available spots. That’s how good it is.

But most importantly, my children love their school. Even if they are unwell, they will want to go to their school. They’re happy, we’re happy. We are even happier when last month, during parents-teacher meeting, we were told that our children were doing extremely well in school. Our eldest daughter who is only 6 and in year 1 seems to be on advance levels in most of her subjects. And I don’t know how their system works, but my daughter proceeds with her advance learning in her class, instead of waiting for the rest of the children.

Now, somebody tell me where can I get a similar school in Brunei, without burning a big hole in our savings account? Is there a public school in Brunei as good as this? And most importantly, what makes a good school?

I don’t know about you, but I believe ‘teachers’ make a good school. For example, there are many other schools in our area where we live, with the same system, the same facilities, but my kids’ school is ranked one of the best. If all schools are the same, then the only differences between them are the teachers. So, a good school must be due to good teachers. The same must also apply in Brunei. However, I have yet to hear a good public primary school (the one that every parent wants to send their children to).

This brings me to the next question, why do we Bruneians always think that our children will do much well in a private school? The MOE’s statistics shows that 43 per cent of about 69,000 children go to private primary schools despite a higher teacher/student ratio in the private school (1 teacher to 15 students in the private schools and 1 teacher to 9 students in the public schools). [Is there statistics on the performance of public/private students in exams?]

Using the above reasoning (since almost all schools follow the same curriculum set by the MOE), then could the reason why people think the private scholls are better is because the teachers and/or the quality of teaching are better than those in the public schools (who I believe are more well paid and more qualified with schools which have better facilities)? If this is true, then I would love to know WHY then our public teachers are not doing well? If this is not true then why do public teachers and the MOE’s officers and staff (who are looking after the quality of public schools) send their own children to private schools (which just show their own lack of faith in the quality of their own teachings/system)?

Or is it because of our ‘materialistic’ mentality? Where our society sees public schools, despite better facilities and more qualified teachers, as second rated. Where parents would rather have a mountain of debt, then be seen sending their children to a public school?

All the talk about the Ministry of Education’s SPN21 is quite interesting and I hope the results will not only improve our education system in Brunei but can also help change the general perception of the public schools. Because at the moment, as much as I want to argue and convince myself that both my husband and I are the products of public schools and we turn out to be OK, I still cannot make myself send my children to a public school. Simply because I don’t have the faith :(.

Salaam.