Our Story

My mother passed away when I was 16. I was lost but I grew up then and there. I have 2 younger sisters, at that time they were 14 and 10. I didn't know what I should do. While my friends my age were playing beauty and experiencing teenagehood, I experienced life. We were never spolit. After my mother passed away, my father was the sole bread-winner. We made do with what we had but never asked for more. And that has always been my principle in life.I never regret any of those things. Infact, I'm thankful because it taught me one great thing in life. To be Independent.

People said I was lucky because I had 'the brain'. I always came top in my class, from my kindergarten year until I graduated. Was it luck? No, it was hard work. When my mother passed away, I studied extra hard. I promised myself, one day I would provide my children what my parents could not provide us. That was my motivation.

I met my husband in the UK. He's not from a wealthy family. When we graduated in 1998, Brunei economy was badly hit by the Amedeo collapse. Employment was scarce. Again people said I was lucky because I found a job even before I graduated. I don't think it was luck. I worked for it. Having a First Class Honours certainly had the advantage. Offer of jobs came knocking on my door. To this day, I'm thankful.

But my husband, along with a thousand other graduates, were stuck. There was no employment. My huband managed to find employment in one of a private firm. But after a few months, the firm went down and had to cut its cost. One of the redundants was my husband. He waited for new jobs openings. An offer for a teacher's post in one of a government institution came. But he turned it down. Not because he was choosy. But because he was not trained to be a teacher and he said he did not deserve it.

Then one day, he said God gave me a well-functioned brain and 2 arms. Why should I wait for a job, when I CAN do a job. He decided he wanted to do a free-lance service. At that time, no body supported him. People thought it a better idea for him to just wait for a job. So, he asked for my help. I lent him some money to buy a computer and a printer.

Alhamdulillah, a family of a family heard he was doing some free lance work for a small fee. He asked my husband to give him some proposals for a house project. He loved it and my husband got his first client. Others heard. And a few came knocking on my husband's door.

After about a year in my new job, I was asked to further my study. We wanted to get married but we didn't have the finance. My husband obviously could not take up any personal loan. I went to do my Masters, my husband's business took off. After 3 months leaving Brunei, my husband called me and told me the good news. He made a tidy sum of money for us to get married when I finished my study. We got engaged while I was in the UK (i.e. I was not present when his family came). I worked hard on my Masters. First, I wanted to finish as early as I could and at the same time I was also preparing for my wedding. I had no one to depend on to. My sisters were still young and I didn't want to burden my father. So, in between studies, I planned my wedding.

I came back, earlier then the date my course actually end. We got married 4 weeks later. A year and a half later, we had our first girl. It was joy! When she was four months old, I was promoted. Luck? No. I worked hard in what I did. While many of my colleagues turned down some of the 'difficult' assignments, I came forward. I never see it that way though, I always say it was 'rezki Allah Taala'. A gift to my baby.

A year and a half later, our second girl arrived. Another gift from God. When she was 6 months old, I was offered to further my study. I wanted to turn down. I didn't want it. I wanted to spend time with my babies. But it also made me realized that probably 'the further study' actually came along with the promotion that I received so early in life. So, that became my responsibility.

I couldn't afford to bring my family along. My husband tried to get a scholarship to further his study. But NO. He was too old for it. I went mad thinking of leaving my 2babies. But my husband was my strength. He was very supportive. Never once he said No or asked me to think about it. He told me Fi Sabilillah. God has given me 'the brain' it would be selfish of me not to make use of it and in time will help to develop the country. Don't worry about OUR children, he will take care of them. And this is why I declare him the MOST UNDERSTANDING HUSBAND in the whole wide world :)

I came to England. Alone. It was crazy. A young mother being apart from 2 young adorable babies. The guilt I felt consumed me. I couldn't work properly. I broke down several times. I broke down in front of my supervisor when he said 'family is the most important thing in life' and asked me to be stong. I was thankful for his kind understanding. He didn't pressure me during my first year and helped me in whatever he could.

But life was shit for me. I asked one of my bosses as to the consequences of me quitting my study. He told me it would give a bad impression on me and on the department. To console myself, I prayed for God's strength. I prayed for His help. And thought if God brings you to it, surely God brings you through it.

My prayer was answered. My husband's business took off really well. He expanded. And managed to save quite a sum of money. The intention was for him to come to the UK and further his qualification. At the same time, there was an opportunity to buy a piece of land. Again the dilemma. In the end, we bought the land from the saving and there was some left for his study. However, it was not enough to finance a 2 year course in the UK. I came back and went to the bank. I took up a loan to partly finance my husband's study. We agreed that the loan was for a 'life investment'.

Then God even answered my prayer, the Government reviewed the terms for the In Service Traning Scheme. It was such relief! I thank whoever it was doing the review. With the extra money, I could provide a nice home for my children and could even futher helped my husband. (I thank the government for providing me and indirectly, my husband to further our education - the new scheme really managed to kill 2 birds with 1 stone). Had I known the scheme would be reviewed, I wouldn't take the loan. But we didn't have the time to retun the money back. It has now become our 'emergency fund'.

We sold our cars. We sold some of our furniture (we didn't have many anyway, our landlord was SUPERB). We returned the amah. I talked about this in my previous post. Our decision not to bring an amah. Well, because we couldn't afford it. Bringing 1 would mean we would need an extra room. The rent here in the UK is crazy. Besides, the house here is not that big. It's manageable. And the children go to school and are only home in the evenings. I can cook (edible lah hehe) and my husband and I share the housework.

Before coming to England, financially we're OK. Besides the loan I took for the financing, we are debt-free. Not even a credit card loan. We have a few credit cards which we used solely for travelling. We ALWAYS pay what we owe once we're back (And to this day, I don't understand why my bank raises my limit every year! I hardly use it hehe). My husband's companies are also DEBT-FREE. A good Chinese friend told him 'If You Can, Avoid Hutang. Never Hutang'. In fact, MANY companies and individuals owe my husband.

I save 30% (besides TAP) of my salary for the rainy days, for the children's education and for our retirements. I still think it is not enough. I hyperventillate thinking about our future. We share our daily expenses; the bills, the grocery etc. We always live within our means. That's our principle. At times, of course we wanted to treat ourselves. But only if we have the extra money. If not, it's not the end of the world. We don't have a Mercedes or a BMW not even a Tag Heuer let alone a Rolex. Our priority in our shared life has always been the children's education. We know for the fact that we cannot depend on anyone but ourselves to provide good education. We never know what the future will bring us. If our children are bleesed with intelligence and good brains, Insya allah maybe some financial help would come. But until then we will never know and have to prepare ourselves.

Our next priority is to build a house. I know we will need some financial help on this one. But my husband says, "If We can, we don't have to". Insya Allah, I believe him. Niat, Usaha and Tawakkal. But even if we have to, we know our limit.

The reason I'm writing this and telling you our boring life story is because I want to share our principles in life. NEVER live beyond your means. NEVER depend on Others. And there is NO such thing as LUCK. A little help along the way are God's blessings but NEVER Expect More.

I don't mean to say that these principles are the best and for you to follow. I don't even think we are a very good example. I would LOVE to hear more advise on how to have a better life and a secure a better future.

Salaam.